• Activate the anti-conflict brain – First thing you should do is activate the anti-conflict brain.   When we are heated up, whatever that comes out from out mouth that is often offending and unpleasant to the other party.  Studies have also shown that you almost insane (not thinking logically) when your emotions are overdrive!  Therefore, it is essential to always know that you have a choice.  You have a choice of respond.  Your respond will create another outcome of the argument.
• Think of reaching a conclusion (or agreement) on the conflict – Think that you want to end the conflict either in a win-win, win-lose or lose-lose outcome.  Whatever that will be coming out from you may make matter better, neutral or worse.  Therefore, before you respond to your other party’s remark, think first.  Think of the consequences of what you will say.  If it’s going to make matter worse, think of another way of phrasing your statement or else, just don’t even mention it. J
• Avoid mentioning the past mistakes – Mentioning the past events will only make matters worst.  It suggests that you are listing more evidences to make your partner feel bad.  It also suggests that whatever agreement made previously were just being patronized.  In any case, what is done before should be closed.  Move forward and not mention the past.
• Avoid using You too much – You suggests a line drawn between you and your partner.  You also suggests blame.  Avoid You as much as you can.  The conflict is a matter of both sides and should be addressed as We.  Both of you want to resolve this conflict constructively as the conflict belongs to both of you.  For a start, be constantly aware if you have the tendency to say You most of the time.  Being constantly aware will put you on the toe in refraining yourself from saying it.
• Avoid saying who started it first – Never ever say that the other party started the argument first!  Unless it is some biological reasons (such as PMS or menstruation) which as a guy (if you are one) should give leeway on it.  If not, do not mention about it.  This will also only make matters worst.  Remember, you want to resolve it, not to further sore the situation.

Avoiding is quite hard when your blood is boiling.  Keep cool, breath in deeply.  Remember, it goes down to your self-control and awareness.  Be aware of what you are thinking and this will put you at a good position to be cautious about what you will say.  When you are cautious, you will think of the consequences of your respond, and you will also alert yourself when you are going to say things that can make matters worst such as You, past events or who started it first.  Remember, self-control and awareness is the first step to resolving conflicts and it begins with you!  Make an effort to have self-control and awareness, and your anti-conflict brain will be activated!

Conflict is common in our everyday life.  Not even mention that conflict can happen at work.  With different agendas and interest going on in the organisation, it seemed an up hill task to resolve conflicts here.  However, for all conflicts (the purest ones that has no political agenda which are easiest to solve), there lies the same common principle that is used to resolve them.  In our post today, we will present techniques for you to resolve conflict in the office and life.

• Be calm – The first thing that you should do is to be calm.  Emotions will run high but you have to remind yourself not to blast whatever you’ve got in your head.  IN your mind, tell yourself that you got choices in your respond.
• Do not shout – Second thing, do not shout.  Even if your partner is shouting at you, do not shout back.  Shouting back will only make matters worst.
• Talk calmly if your partner shouts - If your partner continues to shout at you, do not shout back.  Ask him to calm down.  Your tone should be assuring that you are not out to pick a fight.  Let him know that you want to resolve this thing through a proper discussion with him.
• Understand that your partner has something on his mind which is misaligned with yours – In your mind when you are debating your rights, do one thing; acknowledge that both of you are having different opinion to the subject of the conflict.  Recognizing this is a great step forward that you will attempt to find out what is misaligned between you and him.
• Acknowledge their view points verbally – Once you have found out the different opinion that his is holding.  Acknowledge verbally.  Let him know you truly understand what him meant and you want to address that with what you can.
• Seek compromise – Both of you may have something you want to achieve out of the conflict.  Sometimes things cannot be perfect.  Look for compromise between both sides.  The best scenario is that you influence his decision to side to you (after you understand his different view point).  On a not so optimal scenario, you compromise by giving up everything of your opinion.  It’s ok not to gain something out of the conflict.  It may be better this way in the long run.
• Break off first if no compromise can be made – If at the end of day, both sides are unable to reach a conclusion.  Or both sides are running high on emotions that cannot be pulled down (especially when the other side is not willing to cool down even after you have), its time to break off for the moment.  Take maybe an hour or two to cool down.  Let your partner know that you would like to settle this conflict at a later time as both sides are not at the right state of mind for it.  With that, find the appropriate time for discussion again.
• Be positive about the conflict – You may feel miserable walking out of the conflict with no solution to it.  It’s ok.  You may not reach conclusion on the first attempt and your partner may not be ready to talk too.  The worst part, the duration between the next meet up can be daunting even it is only a few minutes.  Do not brood over it.  Think positive that both of you will reach a conclusion eventually!

1. Generalize your opponent proposition – Or even exaggerate it.  The more general your opponent’s proposition becomes, the more loop holes you can find against it.  On the other end, the more narrow the propositions become, the more easier they can defend.
2. Use different meanings of the words – Be attentive and focus on key words that is vulnerable in his defense.  Play with the words used.  Derive a different meaning of the key word to refute his argument.
3. Ignore your opponent’s proposition – Understand it first before refuting it.  Determine things that is out of the current proposition and attack from there.
4. Do not reveal your conclusion until the end – Mingle with all your propositions and direct your opponent to agree with them.  There is no need to have a definite order.  Till all major agreements of your proposition are on your side, then you reveal the conclusion.
5. Use your opponent’s beliefs to contradict him – If your opponent does not agree with what you proposed, find loop holes in his beliefs (that contradicts to what he proposed) to support your proposition.
6. Confuse the issue by changing words.
7. Give facts – Show the truth of your proposition by asking the opponent questions that they cannot deny.  Cold hard facts does not allow any room for discussion!
8. Drive your opponent mad – Studies have shown that an angered individual loose his judgement for a few seconds.  Therefore, but angering him, his level of judgment or logical calculations may deplete which is advantageous to you.
9. Use your opponent’s answer to reach different conclusions – Make multiple conclusions of your opponent’s answer.  The intend is to confuse of what your opponent meant.
10. Confuse your opponent by asking them to concede the opposite of your propositions.  Then work backwards on the loopholes after he concede the opposite side of your proposition.

It will the best scenario that you are not in an argument with anyone.  If you do, you can use these tips to your advantage as a preemptive measure against angered individuals at work.  Remember, do not start any argument unless really really necessary.  If you do, you might be the angered individual in your office.